This was first posted on Facebook on December 29, 2009
When the clock struck midnight ringing in 2009, I was happy. Life was good. 2009 was going to be my year!
I was wrong.
So begins what I have come to learn was my year of self discovery. I have learned what I want and what I need, and what I don’t. I have grown up more than any other year in my 20’s; I have…showed signs of aging…which is terrifying, I have had my heart broken and I have broken hearts. I have witnessed true love at its finest. I now know who my true friends are. I have learned just how strong I am, and I have learned how to be happy with what I have.
So, it only took about one week into the year for my world to started crumbling around me. The recession was in full swing and drastically affecting my sales at work. How was I going to survive this one? How was I going to pay my $1200 rent? I started stressing.
A week or two into the New Year I was dumped by someone my gut told me not to fall for right from the get go. At the time though, I just wanted somebody to like me and was inevitably won over by charm and great acting.
I am not even scratching the surface with the details of everything that happened there, I could probably write a novel about it if I tried, but I am not going to humiliate him…even if it is so very tempting! I did learn a heck of a lot from this experience though, and I guess that’s the entire point of relationships, whether they work out or not.
During this time period when you know, typically you need your girlfriends most, I was alone. Someone very close to me was getting into her own relationship, which of course is all good normally. I didn’t like this guy. He terrified me. This wasn’t news to anyone at the time. Something just bugged me about him. I was even having nightmares about this person and would wake up in tears. Unfortunately, my fears were falling on deaf ears…understandably though because I mean why would you if you had feelings for someone listen to someone who just had a bad feeling about them? I would like to say that I would never let a guy come between best friends, but if that relationship had continued, I would have lost my best friend. I am sorry for that, but we couldn’t survive it. I felt validated when I found out that I wasn’t the only person who had this bad feeling about the guy. She did eventually come to her senses though and dump him. She is a smart girl and knows she deserves so much more than him! Oh, and as it turns out, he IS a crazy psycho stalker! We can only hope we’ve seen the last of him. Now I feel like since we did survive that, and man that was tough, we can survive anything. It’s trying times like these that only make you stronger. I know we still frustrate the hell out of each other sometimes, but we’re a team and we ROCK, like we really do kick major ass! Love you!
Next up for my big changes of ’09 was having to leave my beloved downtown condo after 3 years. It was heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking! Over the 3 years that I lived on my own in my little condo, I built a life for myself. I did sacrifice a lot to be able to live there, and I could not have done that for as long as I did without my family. I am so lucky to have the family that I do, and I do not take them for granted. I know what I have is rare. I remember the day that I was brave and finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t live there anymore. It was time to move home, save my money and work on getting out of debt. I would say that this was the hardest thing I have ever done. To some, a move is no big deal, but to me it was. I moved there in February 2006 to make my dreams come true…I was just a small town girl with big city dreams. On March 30, 2009 I moved out. Who’s futon was Jenny gonna crash on now?! That futon was second home to so many! Sigh. Over the years I made progress, but never quite got there, so having to move felt like having to give up. I felt like a failure. It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t a failure, but that I just needed come up with a different game plan, take a different approach, since what I was doing wasn’t working. It doesn’t matter if I am here in Caledon or in my condo downtown Toronto, I can make my dreams come true wherever I am. I am also still NOT listening to all the naysayers who think I am delusional in thinking I can have the career that I want. I am not going to listen to the jaded people who have been in the biz for years and hate their jobs so they try to deter me from getting into it.
Once I moved back home it was time to heal, but in order to completely do that there was still one big thing that I had to do. I quit my job. It had sucked the life out of me. I had learned all that I was going to from it. I grew so much from that job and faced lots of my fears. It was time to move on. Quitting that job was such a freeing experience. I felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I slept fantastic that night. I’ll never forget the people who helped me tremendously with that job: Lisa, Craig, Yehuda, Serge, Signe, and Owen to name a few. Thank you guys!
It took me a while to trust a guy again, but it happened. At the time it was just something fun and positive in my life. Just what the doctor ordered. He helped me through many of those though times and for that I am forever grateful. The thing was, I grew up this year and this person has a lot of growing up to do. I had to break a heart. I actually forgot how hard that was, since I hadn’t had to do that in about 4 years. After that, I had to turn someone else down who was 4 years too late, even harder! It may have been too late for that, but I still have a friend for life. I finally understood what I needed in my life and was no longer going to settle. Why should I? I am fantastic!
Through the tough times there are always good times too, I can’t forget to mention some of the best of 2009:
Two Girls and a Blog take on Canadian Music Week – Interviewed Lights, Down with Webster, illScarlett, The Latency and got Gene Simmons on our blog among others! Lights is my personal favourite! Candy burps <3>
Britney’s Circus Tour – I love her and have always supported her. Britney is back!!!!
Being face to face with Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton was pretty neat too!
The 2009 Weddings - Cat & Dave, Krista & Todd, Mike & Tammera, Nancy & Bernie, Sandra & Adam – I have witnessed true love at its finest this year. Each of these couples are so special and all mean the world to me.
The animals at the farm – Chickens who can outrun coyotes, Llama’s who don’t like pickles and will plow through other animals just to spit it back at you (hahaha Daddy!) and smiling horses!
“He’s just not that into you!” Light bulb moment right there. Not sure what took so long. This was a great thing. My mom also told me during the movie that if I ever did anything as crazy as the girl in the movie (as if!) she would throw me in the loony bin! Thanks Mom! Haha
Reconnecting with old friends – Friends for life <3>
The Aussie’s – Wish you were here!
My entire family, immediate and extended
Now here I am, sitting here in my Pj’s reflecting on the year, trying to make sense of it all. Where am I now? I have a great job that has next to no stress and offers me the freedom to do what I need to do on the side. I am healthy. I took an acting class for the hell of it, it was awesome. I have some amazing friends who I love: Jenny, Paul, Eric, Sandra, Krista, Char, Kevin, John…and everyone else! I knew I was finally in a good place when one day I was out and about at work and I sort of got this smile across my face and omg what’s this?! I was happy! I am not where I need to be yet, but I am getting there. Slowly but surely, I am getting there. Like I said at the beginning, I leaned a lot, I grew and I know what I want and what I need. I had to learn lessons more than once in some cases, but I got it. I finally got it.
2010 is going to be my year. Just call it a feeling.